If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
