You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
