Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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