super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
