Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
