ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
