i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
