Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
