My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
