I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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