The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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