So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
ttyl tear gas
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
