someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
