is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
