well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
