You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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