what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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