yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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