Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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