when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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