I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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