Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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