Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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