He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
