I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
