"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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