she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
