He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
