Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
