Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
