I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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