i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
