let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
