I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
