No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you bring me the toilet please
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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