So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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