I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
