3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
