what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
