This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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