i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
