The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
