I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If that was your dad, he is hot
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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