You're so nebulous sometimes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
