so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
