Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize