its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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