Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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