I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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