College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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