We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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