it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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