I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
