dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
