I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
