don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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