Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
