What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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