Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
