a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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