Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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