P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
