I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
