we have pet lesbian snakes
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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