Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
