never play flip cup with pint glasses
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
do herpes really smell.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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