Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
