he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Someone signed my nipple.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
