guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
